Two parents. They love each other. They’re raising their kids together. Then CPS knocks on the door. A little while later, those same two parents are acting like enemies. Not because they stopped loving each other. Because they came to believe that looking like a broken couple was the only way to get the system off their backs. One parent described it in words I can’t shake. Quote. We pretended to hate each other. Act like we would never see each other again.

Let that sink in. The agency that says it exists to keep families safe left a family believing they had to fake falling apart.

This is the Father’s Advocacy Network podcast. I’m Adam Neuerburg. Today we’re exposing a tactic families describe in state after state. Divide and conquer. Talk to each parent separately. Quote them selectively. Use a so-called voluntary safety plan to push one of them out of the house. And then point to the conflict the system created as proof that the home isn’t safe. If you’re a mom or a dad listening right now, and a caseworker has been whispering to you about your partner, this one is for you.

Let’s start with what parents are actually saying. These are anonymous testimonies collected in our research report, and they sound eerily alike. One parent asked, quote. Do you know CPS will try and turn you against your partner just to build a case. Another said, quote. They’ll talk to me behind his back, saying I’m doing things to him to make him look crazy. And they’ll do the same to me. A third put it even more bluntly. They changed what you say in reports to make one or the other out to be bad. Or both. These aren’t isolated stories. They follow a pattern. And in family psychology, that pattern has a name. Triangulation. Triangulation is a manipulation pattern that sows discord between two people. Here’s how our report describes CPS using it. Talk to each parent separately. Share selective information with each one. Encourage one parent to complain about the other. Create conflict where none existed. Then use that conflict to justify staying involved. And the second half of the playbook is the paperwork. Parents consistently report caseworkers misquoting them, recording conversations selectively, and reframing context in the case notes so one parent looks unfit. Think about what that means. Those notes don’t stay in a drawer. They become evidence in court. And the parent often has no chance to correct the record before it’s used against them.

Now let’s talk about the most powerful tool in the kit. The safety plan. Here’s what they say. A safety plan is voluntary. It’s your choice. You’re cooperating. Here’s what our research shows. CPS uses these so-called voluntary plans to require one parent to leave the home. No court order. No judge reviewing it. None of the protections of due process. And the alternative parents say is put in front of them? Immediate removal of their children. Sign this and one parent moves out. Or don’t sign, and we take the kids. Is that a choice? Is that voluntary? Of course not. It’s coercion dressed up as cooperation.

The research our report draws on says the same thing. These plans function as coerced agreements that bypass parents’ constitutional rights, including due process, the right to family integrity, and the right to legal counsel. Compliance becomes the only realistic option, even when the plan demands separation without any evidence of danger. And once one parent is out the door, the next label comes. The offending parent. Our report found that courts can label one parent the offending parent and marginalize them, even when abuse is not found. That label follows them everywhere. It shapes the case plan. It shapes visitation. It shapes whether the family is ever reunified. And once it’s applied, it’s nearly impossible to remove. Then comes the trap for the other parent. Distance yourself from your partner, or risk being labeled an enabler. Stand by the person you love and risk losing your children. Or abandon them and break your family yourself. Either way, the family loses.

And here’s the part that should make every parent furious. Legal analysis cited in our report shows courts can classify conflict between parents, even plain disagreement, as a hazardous environment, despite no abuse at all. So the system creates the conflict, and then punishes the family for having it.

So why would a system do this? Follow the incentives. Under Title Four-E federal funding, as our research report lays out, agencies receive resources based on case duration and the number of children in out-of-home placement. A reunified, stable family generates nothing. A divided family, with separate case plans, random drug testing, behavioral mandates and ongoing supervision, keeps a case open. And open cases keep the money moving. Now look at what’s being justified. According to federal Health and Human Services data from 2019, only 16.7% of investigated CPS reports actually substantiate abuse or neglect. 16.7%. So in the large majority of investigated reports, the agency doesn’t substantiate the claim. But the pressure, the separate interviews, the safety plans, the labels? Those can land on families either way. And a population study cited in our report found that about one in ten CPS neglect investigations involve custodial discord between parents. Disagreement between parents is already in the room. The system knows exactly where to push. A Human Rights Watch and ACLU report adds to the picture. It extensively documents how CPS hits families in poverty hardest, and disrupts homes over non-abusive reasons, often hinging on subjective narratives. It found agencies routinely use broad, vague allegations as leverage, especially when the evidence is thin or conflicting. That’s the perfect setting for turning one parent’s words against the other. And here’s one more detail that tells you everything. Families report asking for joint counseling, so they can show the agency they’re united and stable. And they say they’re told it’s not appropriate. Not part of the case plan. Instead, they’re sent to individual programs that reinforce the separation. Ask yourself. If the goal were child safety, why would anyone block the one thing that proves the family is safe?

Let’s talk about who pays the price. Because it isn’t the agency. It’s the children first. Our report describes kids being told one story by caseworkers and a different story by each parent. That leads to alienation, confusion, loss of trust and emotional strain. Even when the kids stay in the home, that fallout can last decades. Psychology research equates parental alienation to trauma, with lasting mental health consequences. And alienation is not a rare problem. Researchers Harman, Leder-Elder and Biringen report that 35.5% of U.S. parents say they feel alienated from their children. A system that manufactures conflict between parents is pouring fuel on a fire that’s already burning. Then there’s the couple. Even when the case closes and the kids come home, our report found the damage to the parents’ relationship is often irreparable. They carry that betrayal, even when both of them know the system manufactured it. The family may be back under one roof. But something got broken that doesn’t heal. And no one at the agency will ever answer for it.

So what can you do if this is happening to your family right now? This isn’t legal advice. FAN is not a law firm. But these are steps drawn from our research that can help protect you. One. Document everything. Every interaction with CPS. Dates, names, times, and what was said, word for word. If they won’t put something in writing, you put it in writing and send it to them. That record is your best defense against misquotes and selective reporting. Two. Stay united. Don’t let the system script a fight between you and your partner. Our report recommends not letting CPS interview you and your partner separately without legal counsel present. Ask your attorney how to handle that in your case. Three. Get legal help before you sign any safety plan or agreement. Remember, a safety plan is not a court order. Ask for everything in writing. Ask for time to talk to an attorney. And if they threaten removal, ask them for the specific legal basis. Four. If you ask for joint counseling and get turned down, write down who said no, when, and why. Put your request in writing too. Five. Request your case file. Compare what the caseworker wrote to your own notes. If your words were changed or the context was twisted, that gap is powerful evidence. Put your requests to your attorney in writing, and keep copies. And six. You don’t have to fight this alone. Go to fathers advocacy network dot com slash case help.

The full research report on how CPS turns parents against each other is at fathers advocacy network dot com, in our foster care research section. CPS doesn’t need to prove abuse to split a family. It doesn’t need a court order to push one parent out. All it needs is for you to believe your partner is the problem. Don’t give it that. A united family is harder to manage and harder to break. If this episode hit home, share it with one family who needs to hear it. And follow the show so you don’t miss the next one. I’m Adam Neuerburg. This is the Father’s Advocacy Network. Let the silenced speak.